Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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