I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
