i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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