You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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