lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
