why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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