Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
