I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
