I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
