I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
