I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
