why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
