Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
