Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize