I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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