I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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