all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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