sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
