i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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