so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
