Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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