my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
