are you still at the devil's house?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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