She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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