im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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