i think my tv is drunk
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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