You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
