Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Come on in and take your pants off
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