YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
