yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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