i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
being pregnant is like rehab
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize