i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
