Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize