Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
