he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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