I'm gonna have a badass scar
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
