She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
