i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
