sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The adults are the big ones right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
