I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
