hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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