I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
