Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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