There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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