Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
