So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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