i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
