Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize