I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
