You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
