Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
