he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
