What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
