if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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