I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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