How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
