i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
