i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
