Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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