I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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