I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
