Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
