Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize