he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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