i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
