i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
