Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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