I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
