What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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