She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
