I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
