I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
