he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
