Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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