I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
