so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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