kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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