i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
