Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
