Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
