So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im at strip club and am horny
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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