I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
