You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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