She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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