Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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