he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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