Say something about gay babies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
