if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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