I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
