I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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