the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
