Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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