I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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