The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
