i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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