you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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