I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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