Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
