just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
