I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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