WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
