ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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