sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
