I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
