I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
