I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
