i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize