We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
