i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
