Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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