i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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