i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
