my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
