Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
