She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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