I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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