he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize