No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
