Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize