Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
