Dual....:-)
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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