I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
