Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
