speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
