I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
