I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
