you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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