Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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