Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
